If you suddenly have a spiritual attack, who can you speed dial for that emergency?
If you get a legal suit, who can you swiftly consult for legal advice? If you or a close family member falls critically ill in the middle of the night, who can you reach out to at that ungodly hour for medical help, before proceeding to the hospital?
If you have a financial emergency, who can you confidently call for a soft loan?
As we grow into adults, it is expedient that we intentionally build a healthy support system for every area of our lives: faith, health, finance, matters of the heart (emotions), family, fitness, security, etc. When you check through your contact list, you’ll find that you probably have at least one person in each profession: law, medicine, finance, media, politics, clergy, ICT, engineering, etc. Ask yourself, “how is my relationship with these people?”
Apostle Joshua Selman rightly said, “If you pay for everything you need with money, you are not wise. Anything money can buy, relationships can pay for it.” You see, the same way some people can count on you for one favour or another, that’s the same way you should have people you can count on and lean on in areas where you’re not so strong.
That’s what building a healthy support system is about.
A healthy support system is a network of mutual relationships where you have each other’s back, look out for each other’s progress by sharing helpful information, and where no one is myopic, parasitic or selfish – seeking to exploit the other. Your support system could be made of your peers, your parents, your siblings and other relatives, your pastors or spiritual head, your mentors, your protégés, your colleagues at work or school, and any other person you believe you can build a support system with.
The people in your support system must not know each other. However, you must be meticulous about putting each person in the right basket of your life where they should belong. For instance, your pastor or spiritual head, must not necessarily be your marriage counsellor or financial adviser as well, if (s)he does not have those skills. Like every other thing in life, it is best to let the Holy Spirit guide you to the right person(s) to choose as support for each area of your life.
Emotions and feelings are too fickle and unreliable to use as the basis for choosing your support system. Of course, for someone to be in your support system, you both must already have some level of friendship. And friendship is not and should not be an emotional decision.
Furthermore, great friendships and support systems don’t just happen; they are intentionally cultivated, developed and maintained by the parties involved.
If you don’t yet have any support system for the different areas of your life, you can begin to build one today.
Ask yourself: Who can I have as my support system in these areas: faith, health, academics, career growth, finances, security, etc?
I’ll end today’s post with this epic excerpt from one of my mentor’s interview in 2017. Let it inspire, challenge and guide you to build a healthy support system for every area of your life.
“I’m very deliberate about my relationships. I can say right now without fear or favour that I do not have a person in my life who dampens my spirit, who draws me back, who kills my energy or criticises my vision. I don’t have such person and the reason is, immediately you throw negative energy, I adjust how much access you have into my life. You just have to show me that you are capable of stealing my joy and I would shut you out.
I also have mentors for different areas of my life, people that I look up to in career, marriage, finances, etc., but even when I’m making decisions about something seemingly secular, I am completely led by the Holy Spirit about those relationships. I’m completely unemotional about my friendships. I meet people every day who want to be friends with me who even put me as their tightest friends on BBM calling me “my boo”, but I’m not their boo. So, my relationships don’t happen to me, it’s not an emotional decision; even when I feel an emotional connection, I must find reasons that are higher than emotions to stay in a friendship with you.” – DDK (Debola Deji-Kurunmi)
Till I come your way again next week, remember to stay safe and stay connected to the only source of true love – God.
Got any questions or feedback on any of our discussions so far? Please share in the comment. I’ll love to hear from you.
