Have you ever wondered what it really means to be Single? Wikipedia and some dictionaries simply tell us that “a single person is someone who is not in a relationship or is unmarried.” (Wikipedia).
I believed and lived in that limited understanding of what it means to be Single for a long time, till God opened my eyes to see that being Single is waaaay more than just being unmarried.
I came into this new light and understanding in 2016, after some dramatic events that almost ruined my life.
If you are a lady, born and brought up in a Nigerian family like I am, you probably grew up with warnings against late marriage drummed into your physical and spiritual ears. I remember while growing up, we were often asked to pray to God to send husbands to all our aunties – blood related and otherwise, who were 25 years and above but still unmarried. Do I have a witness? (Lol)
If you grew up in a family like mine, you probably grew up including marriage in your career pursuit checklist, to be obtained right after university education. (That is, if your parents can sponsor you up to the university level of education). My own checklist looked like this:
- Attend primary school.
- Attend secondary school.
- Attend university.
- Go for NYSC.
- Get MARRIED.
All these had to be attained before I turn 25.
Though this wasn’t a written rule, we were (un)consciously groomed, by our immediate families and the society at large, to plan for marriage within a certain age bracket. Age 25 supposedly marked the end of the ripe age for marriage for us ladies (rolls eyes).
Anyways, as a result of the above subconscious programming, I went for NYSC with one resolve: to get married on or before I turn 25. I got into the NYSC orientation camp two months to my 24th birthday, and I was determined not to fall into the category of ladies who marry late. As a result, I was constantly on the lookout for ready suitors.
I won’t bore you with the details of all the wrong choices I made because I was DESPERATE for marriage.
But here’s the thing, whatever you focus on, you will attract. Because I was focused on finding a ready suitor, I met one soon enough – few months into my service year. In a matter of months, we were discussing and planning for wedding.
Even though I had little peace about the relationship, I was more interested in the idea that this was going to end in marriage before I turn 25. I consoled myself with imaginations of my wedding pictures and all the beautiful things bound to happen in marriage. I refused to live in the moment and pay attention to the glaring red flags. It took God Himself to stall plans and eventually use radical series of events to pull me out from that relationship.
God truly loves me too much!
Whenever I remember that episode of my life, I shudder at the things I did and some more things I considered doing just because I was desperate for marriage.
Anxiety and desperation can make us do foolish things we may live to regret for the rest of our lives. I’m so grateful to God for saving me from myself! If not, I wonder what my life would be today.
Dear Single, have you ever been desperate for marriage or anything else? I’ll like to hear from you; please leave a comment.
Till I come your way again next week Thursday, please stay safe and stay connected to the only true source of love – God.
One more thing, please don’t forget to leave a comment. I’ll really love to hear from you.
Love,
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CHINYEREDISTINGUISHED CHIMEZIE (nee ANOKE) is an Award-Winning Author of three fast-selling books: SINGLE, FRUITFUL, FULFILLED, TURNING 28 and 29 LESSONS AT 29.
