When I was 22 years old, I fell in love with a young man.
The feeling was mutual.
Even though we both knew that he would not be ready to get married within the next two to three years, which was my desire, I still agreed to date him when he asked me to be his girlfriend.
At 22, I was a graduate with a seemingly clear vision of what I wanted in life; I was eager to start a career and get married simultaneously. On the other hand, the bobo I fell in love with, was just about to travel abroad for his degree program, after spending four years servicing a fake admission in a Nigerian university.
My brain knew these facts and the impracticality of putting my life on hold in the name of love; still, my emotions believed we could weather the obvious storms and heartaches which were bound to follow our unwise decision. The most incorrigible part was, the Holy Spirit Himself had warned me against entering into the relationship, but I was bent on seeing the world through the coloured lenses of love.
My parents advised me, my mentors counselled me, my friends cautioned me. But I believed I knew better than them all, so I forged ahead with my highly sentimental decision.
I told the guy, “Even though I know saying “yes” to you will jeopardise my future, I love you too much to let go. I’m willing to wait five years for you to travel and study abroad, then come back so we can get married.”
Sounds very romantic, right?
It is also very foolish.
Yes, we deeply loved each other. However, true love would have looked at the bigger picture and decided that we should remain the great friends we already were, keep the friendship and communication open when he travels abroad. And take it up if we are both still single and interested in a deeper relationship when he returns and more likely to be ready to get married. Rather than tying down each other with an emotional bond and promise we may not be able to keep.
Let me mention here that we were n0t involved sexually, not even sexting. The most we did was kiss with zero smooching and the likes. Still, the emotional bond we built was so deep and strong.
The four years he spent abroad were the most emotionally stressful years of our lives! We had multiple breakups and makeups.
Seeing most of my mates and even juniors get married, heightened my desire cum desperation to get married; and I subsequently poured all my anxiety and pressure on him. He, on the other hand, struggled with balancing settling down into a new country and culture, making good grades in his academics, and keeping up with the relationship stress and pressure for marriage I was mounting on him on a daily.
I wish I knew what I know today back then. We subjected ourselves to avoidable torture. Little wonder the wise King Solomon recorded in Song of Solomon 8:4, “Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right.” This means that there is a right time to awaken love. If you awaken or experiment with love before the time is right, it will consume you.
Let’s scroll down to verses 6 and 7 of same Song of Solomon chapter 8: “Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, its jealousy as enduring as the grave. Love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame. Many waters cannot quench love, nor can rivers drown it.”
Look carefully at the phrases I highlighted in bold format; these are very strong words, if you ask me. And you and I can testify to seeing the manifestation of these words exhibited by those in love. You could even be one of them like I was.
Regardless of how many butterflies that flutter in your stomach, regardless of how your peers taunt, tease or pressure you to get into a relationship to prove that you’re not a Jew guy, regardless of how your hormones are acting or reacting, please do not awaken love before the time is right.
In my own opinion, it is best not to promise marriage, propose or accept a proposal from anyone if BOTH of you do not have concrete plans to get married within 24 months (2 years). And if you do not plan to marry someone, why get into a committed or romantic relationship with him or her?
When next you are tempted to join the band wagon of those in love or in a relationship, ask yourself: Is this the right time to awaken love?
Got any question? Please ask in the comment.
Till I come your way again next week Thursday, do stay safe and stay connected to the only true source of love – God.
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CHINYEREDISTINGUISHED CHIMEZIE (nee ANOKE) is an Award-Winning Author of three fast-selling books: SINGLE, FRUITFUL, FULFILLED, TURNING 28 and 29 LESSONS AT 29.
