What to do before you say “I do” (2)

SINGLES MATTER with ChinyereDistinguished

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Last week, we started an interesting discussion on the above topic, and today we’ll continue. Please do well to read last week’s post if you haven’t read it yet, so we can flow better.

Some specific areas where you need to take responsibility for your life before you say “I Do”.

  • Your physical well-being:
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Taking proper care of our body and physical health, is critical if we want to fulfill purpose and enjoy our days on Earth. Sadly, some youths are nonchalant about their personal hygiene. As an adult, do you still need someone to monitor you to ensure that you brush your teeth and have your bath properly, keep your hair clean and tidy, wear clean clothes and generally look and smell good? If you don’t, then you are still a child and have no business thinking about marriage. Physical fitness exercises and a healthy diet, are also important for your physical well-being, hence, ensure that you eat right, in the right proportion, and exercise regularly.

  • Your personal relationship with God:

Before you say “I Do” is the time to develop your personal relationship with God and grow your spiritual muscles. Don’t wait for some catastrophe to happen before you begin to pray at midnight or study the Word in-depth. Don’t wait for a potential spouse to show up before you begin to practice how to hear from God. Now is the time to become intimate with God and learn to hear Him for yourself, not just for marriage related prayer points. Have you ever wondered what would have become of Virgin Mary and baby Jesus if Joseph the carpenter couldn’t hear from and obey God? (Matthew 2:13, 19-20). Joseph didn’t start to hear God after marriage; he trained his ears to hear God before marriage. You should do so too, whether you’re a man or woman. One of my friends, Raymond Emamezi, said, “Being single is a time to follow God, before you go galloping into some stranger’s arms.” I couldn’t agree more!

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  • Your education (mental and intellectual capacity):

I advocate for young adults to go through different forms of formal education. However, I particularly emphasize that one mustn’t necessarily go through the four walls of a school to achieve education. If you have the opportunity to go to school, by all means, embrace it fully and get the education, not just a certificate. If on the other hand you are not privileged to go to school, do not feel disadvantaged. Take responsibility for your education and learn from the numerous resources that abound online and offline. Attend trainings, workshops and seminars in your areas of interest; there are lots of free and affordable ones to choose from, regardless of your income level. Read, watch and listen to resources that will increase your knowledge base and enhance your intellectual capacity. Reading books is particularly very important. As much as you can, invest in reading good books. This has a phenomenal effect on your all round personal development.

One of my mentors, a women I admire and respect so much, Mrs Adebola Deji-Kurunmi (DDK), has this to say about the impact of books on her life: “Growing up I was very moody, I was significantly melancholic and I had a generous amount of anger, like seven people’s anger; so when I’m angry I can upturn an entire city and my parents were walking on eggshells. What saved me? I read Mike Murdock’s books. We had an 11-month break at some point in school and it was during that time I read the books and they changed everything. It wasn’t even about focus on the anger, it was about deploying my energy and my potentials for something that was of a higher good and it just changed everything. I truly believe that books help you interact with the wisdom of others and it impacts on your thinking, it impacts on your mental atmosphere and it helps you make better decisions.”

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  • Your emotional intelligence:

Before you say “I Do” is the time to take responsibility for your emotions. Don’t be an emotional live-wire anything can set off at any time. If you are short-tempered (as you keep announcing to anyone who cares to listen), please enrol for anger management classes and therapy. Quit being an emotional time-bomb that is ready to explode at the slightest provocation. Short temper is an emotional imbalance that can put you behind bars if you don’t take responsibility for it now. If you are an irrational jealous lover, by all means, take responsibility and fix that before it kills you or you kill someone. If you were abused in the past or had any terrible emotional experience that is now affecting your emotional well-being, please seek help and get healed before you proceed to marriage.

No form of emotional baggage is a trophy, so quit carrying yours around. Take responsibility and develop yourself emotionally. Become emotionally intelligent.


There are two more important areas I’ll discuss with you but I’ll pause here for now and we’ll continue next week.

Till I come your way again, please start working on any of the above areas where you are slacking. If you have any questions, please ask in the comment.


CHINYEREDISTINGUISHED CHIMEZIE (nee ANOKE) is an Award-Winning Author of three fast-selling books: SINGLE, FRUITFUL, FULFILLED, TURNING 28 and 29 LESSONS AT 29.

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