29, single, fruitful and fulfilled
SINGLES MATTER with ChinyereDistinguished
Today, 17 October 2020, is my birthday anniversary. I was born on this day three decades ago and today I hit the big three-zero (30).
As a young girl, I had fantasies of being married early – before I turn 25; have all my children – four of them – on or before I turn 30; and many other beautiful dreams. However, the realization of those dreams is a far cry from what I had anticipated, especially in terms of the timelines I had set for certain things to happen. I didn’t get married until earlier this year – February 2020 – four months after my 29th birthday. As a true Christian lady who practised chastity while Single, I don’t have any kids yet and today is my 30th birthday already.
Perhaps, your story is similar to mine. Many of your childhood dreams, especially those pertaining to love-relationships and marriage, seem to be eluding you. You have prayed, you have fasted, you have sown seeds and you have done every right thing you know to do to attract a suitable life partner. Still, it appears God doesn’t want to visit you in that area.
I’ve been there. So believe me when I say, “I can relate”. At 25, I was very desperate for marriage – you can read about it in my previous post here on the topic. However, from age 26 when God instructed me to end the relationship I was in at the time and permit Him to school me on the basics and essentials of true Singlehood and marriage, my life and mindset on the aforementioned subjects have not remained the same! The Holy Spirit did a complete overhaul of my faulty beliefs about myself, about Singlehood, about marriage and about life in general. In fact, by the time I turned 27 years old, I was proudly SINGLE, FRUITFUL and FULFILLED, with a strong desire to shun every marriage plan I hitherto had and enjoy true Singlehood before moving on to the institution and ministry called marriage. Today as a married woman who is enjoying a blissful home, I am glad I did that.
You see, to some people, I married late. But I know I married at the right time for me; a time when I have been equipped with the right information and mindset about both Singlehood and marriage. It doesn’t matter if you’re 15 or 55, if you don’t learn these critical lessons, you’re bound to make terrible mistakes and have a marriage you never envisaged.
I made some terrible mistakes when I was anxious for marriage; it was God’s mercy alone that rescued me. The lessons from that season of my life became my life purpose and this is why I am passionate about Singles Matter. I don’t want any other Single to make the same mistakes I made when they can learn from my experience and most importantly, the priceless teachings the Holy Spirit gave me about Singlehood and marriage.
If you’re new to this column, you may be wondering what these experiences are. And I’ll give you a glimpse of it with the summary below.
Before I eventually got married in 2020, I was engaged twice to two different men within 12 months. August 2014 and September 2015, respectively. The first courtship lasted for a few months while the second lasted for over a year. I ended both courtships myself due to some personal reasons. The full details are written in my memoir, TURNING 28: My journey to TRUE Singlehood.
In January 2017, I agreed to marry my bestfriend and we started courting. However, some months down the line, October 2017 to be precise, I again ended the relationship – for best reasons.
“Confused much!” You may say.
I might say so too.
Why was I acting this way?
Within me raged a strong paradox: the deep desire to be married ASAP, and the overwhelming fear for marriage – an unhappy marriage.
From having my first boyfriend at age 17, to having my first engagement at age 24, and finally to going on a man-cleanse at age 27 – after 10 solid years of sailing from one relationship to another, I finally overcame my fear of marriage through my journey to TRUE SINGLEHOOD.
Though I was unmarried for 29 years, I only understood and began to enjoy how to be truly SINGLE when I turned 27 years old. I sincerely wish I understood and started being single earlier. But no regrets. My people would say, “mgbe oye tetara, by útútú ya” (when one wakes up is his morning).
I made a lot of mistakes, experienced a lot of heartbreaks and fought a lot of unnecessary battles, in my desire to figure things out for myself. Yes, some of those experiences made me stronger and wiser, but then, it took the Grace of a loving Father to keep me from dying in my foolishness.
You’d agree with me that it is wisdom to learn from the mistake of others. You also have a better headstart when you stand on the shoulders of one who has been where you are or where you desire to be; someone who has faced and overcome the demons you currently face. This is why to commemorate my 30th birthday today, I am offering ALL my books:
✓ SINGLE, FRUIFUL, FULFILLED
✓ TURNING 28, and
✓ 29 LESSONS AT 29
At the giveaway price of N300 (three hundred naira) each. To take advantage of this, simply go to my OkadaBooks profile: https://okadabooks.com/search?query=ChinyereDistinguished%2520Anoke to buy and download all three books.
This birthday offer expires on Sunday, 18 October 2020. So take advantage of it while it lasts.
I value you!
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