Few years ago, after service on a particular Sunday, our Youth Pastor called me and said to me, “Distinguished, if you don’t get married by the end of this year, don’t talk to me again.”
I was stunned by his statement, but I recovered quickly and asked him, “Pastor, did God tell you that I would get married this year?”
That particular year, God had specifically told me to take out marriage from my prayer request list because I wouldn’t get married that year, even though I was going to turn 27 years old.
At that age, I felt marriage would be God’s next gift to me, but He had other plans. He gave me specific instructions of what He’d have me to do for Him that year. Knowing this helped me not to feel the sting of my Pastor’s words and the pressure for marriage from other quarters.
Prior to this time, my dad had given my elder sister and I the following advice, or should I call it caution: “Whatever you and Chinyere are doing, you both should make sure you get married before you turn 30.”
As a Single, you need to understand that pressure can come from anyone: young, old, relative, friend, stranger, educated, illiterate, spiritual, carnal… Whatever category you can think of!
However, here’s the thing: “IF THERE’S NO PRESSURE WITHIN, THE PRESSURE WITHOUT (PRESSURE FROM OTHERS) WILL HAVE NULL EFFECT.”
If you feel pressured for marriage or anything for that matter, it is because there is an element of pressure and anxiety for that thing that already exists in your inside. Not because others are telling you about it.
Interestingly, if you make a wrong choice because you feel pressured, you’ll still be the primary benefactor of whatever consequence that comes with that decision.
Another important thing you should note is: PRESSURE DOES NOT END AFTER MARRIAGE.
If you get married out of pressure, be prepared to do things in marriage out of pressure because the pressure never ends, and it’ll still come from anyone; including those you least expect it from.
So darling, why don’t you learn how to overcome and deal with pressure now that you’re single?
A NOTE TO PARENTS GUARDIANS, MENTORS AND SPIRITUAL HEADS
Dear Parents, guardians, mentors, Spiritual heads. As Singles, we understand your love, concern, and sometimes, fear for us your offsprings and proteges. We know you desire for us to get married before a certain age. We understand and appreciate your continuous prayers to heaven to settle us with our own mates. And we understand your frustration, disappointment and sadness for every time your friends ask you, “when is your son/daughter getting married?”
We understand all these and we are with you in the prayers because, we also want to be settled in our own homes with our own spouses. We, too, look forward to you and your friends celebrating us on our big day and we also desire to have you come around for omugwo in our homes.
But you see, the constant questions of “when is he coming?” or “Is she the one?”; and your relentless efforts to match-make us, is not helping us. We are already pressured by our own thoughts and the social media is not helping at all! Every time we log on, it appears there is a conspiracy to rub it in our faces that we are the only Singles left in the universe. ‘All’ our mates are either flashing pre-wedding, wedding, wedding anniversary, baby-shower or child dedication pictures. Your frequent questions about marriage, including threats, only push us to (un)consciously make some stupid decisions. Please, help us to stay sane and focused on what God would have us to do per time. =====
Dear Single, Please do not let pressure, anxiety, society, desperation, depression, family, greed, pride, lust, friends or condition, make the critical decision of who and when to marry, for you. Regardless of whom you choose to blame in the long run, you primarily bear the brunt of the consequences of whatever choice you make – good or bad.
To deal with pressure, you need to consistently renew your mind with the Word of God, guard your heart with ALL diligence, and commit to let God continually guide your spirit. Avoid people and environments that fuel your anxiety and pressure for marriage. Also read books that will help you to make the most of Singlehood like:
✓ SINGLE, FRUITFUL, FULFILLED: Living a whole and productive life before “I Do” (ChinyereDistinguished Anoke)
✓ Surviving Singlehood (Hephzibah Frances)
✓ TURNING 28: My journey to true Singlehood (ChinyereDistinguished Anoke)
✓ While Waiting: My search for love and fulfilment (Fikayo Adeyinka)
Next week, we’ll discuss how to deal with disappointments and heartbreak. Till then, remember to stay safe and stay connected to the only source of true love – God!
