It is okay to be single

ChinyereDistinguished

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Having a boyfriend (for girls) and having carnal knowledge of a girl (for boys), are often used by world people to ascertain or benchmark how mature and exposed one has become. Unfortunately, for many young people, the desire to belong and the fear of being tagged a Jew guy has led them down paths they never envisaged treading.

Listen to me, dear Single: It is okay to be Single.

You don’t have to be in a relationship to become responsible, respected, influential, successful or wealthy. On the contrary, getting into a relationship prematurely – before you are physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually AND financially ready for one, will largely distract you and sometimes, prevent you from attaining your full potential in life.

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Please, do not propose, accept or get into an intimate/committed relationship with the opposite gender, before you are ready for all the attendant responsibilities that come with such heavy commitment.

Yes, being in a committed relationship makes spiritual, emotional, physical, mental, social and financial demands of your spirit, soul and body.

Who is a Single?

In the simplest form, a Single is a separate, unique, whole. This means that as a Single, you are COMPLETE.

Before you delve into any form of intimate relationship with anyone, take time to cultivate a deep and healthy relationship with your Maker and with yourself. That is how you will experience and enjoy true Singlehood.

At face value, being unmarried may appear to be the same as being Single. But a deeper look reveals that being Single goes way beyond ticking the ‘Single’ option in forms to represent your marital status. Like me, you probably know a number of unmarried folks who are already living as married couples; they may tick the ‘Single’ box in forms, but you and I know that they are not Single. They are just unmarried in legal terms.

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There is also another group of unmarried folks; these ones are not in any visible romantic relationship, but they live their lives and make choices mostly based on the desire and anxiety to get into a romantic relationship or marriage.

Most people go from being a child, to dating or a series of dating, to marriage, with no time to be truly Single. I used to be in that category. I started dating at the age of seventeen, right after my secondary school education; and for the next ten years of my life, I oscillated from one relationship to another, eager and anxious to get married. It was in the midst of this that God opened my eyes to see that though I was yet to be married, I was not and had never being Single. I prevented myself from being Single by spending my time fantasizing about getting into a relationship and marriage from as early as eight years old. Does that sound like you?

Today, speaking from experience, I can boldly tell you that it is difficult to be happily married, if you have not learned to be happily single. It does not matter if you are twenty-five or forty-five.

Being SINGLE is not a default mode. It is not the time you fall out of a relationship and are waiting for the next one to come along. It is a deliberate choice followed up with commensurate actions – the decision to stay Single.

Until you’re truly Single – starting from the mind, to the physical expression of staying off romantic relationships with the right attitude, you’d only be creating a wrong foundation for your future relationships and marriage.

The two most important relationships you’ll ever have are:

  • A deep and intimate relationship with your creator, God, through His Son, Jesus Christ, and the help of the Holy Spirit.
  • A healthy relationship with yourself where you can honestly acknowledge your flaws, appraise your strengths and commit to your consistent personal and professional development.

Until these two are in place, you may not be able to build any sustainable healthy relationship with others; not even marriage will “cure” you.

Don’t fall for society’s belief that you must be in a relationship; your self-worth does not come from a relationship.

Don’t fall for society’s expectation that you must marry within a certain age bracket; your fruitfulness and fulfilment does not come from marriage.

If you are still unmarried, please by all means, become truly Single.

“The number one prerequisite for marriage is Singlehood. Until you’re ready to be Single, you’re not ready to be married.”

Got any question? Please ask in the comment.

Till I come your way again next week Thursday, please stay safe and stay connected to the only true source of love – God.

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CHINYEREDISTINGUISHED CHIMEZIE (nee ANOKE) is an Award-Winning Author of three fast-selling books: SINGLE, FRUITFUL, FULFILLED, TURNING 28 and 29 LESSONS AT 29.

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