LET’S MEET EACH OTHER: My name is ChinyereDistinguished Chimezie (nee Anoke). I am passionate about helping Singles to live a fruitful and fulfilled life before marriage.
Making this one of my biggest life goal happened after I experienced a number of heartbreaks, disappointments, frustration and depression while trying to rush out of Singlehood into marriage.
Let me tell you a little of my story…
I was born ready; ready for marriage.
My earliest memory of a marriage-fantasy dates as far back as 1998, when I was eight years old. From that early age, I spent most of my days imagining how I would meet my husband. I couldn’t wait for my life to end just like the stories I watched in telenovelas and read in romance novels.
Whenever I met a cute guy, I’d fantasize about our relationship – from when he’d ask me out to when we’d finally get married and start raising our family.
Before you start thinking that I was raised in a worldly home, let me clear you on that.
I was raised in a Christian home. Both my parents were and still are Pastors in one of the leading Pentecostal Churches in Eastern Nigeria. They raised my siblings and I in a godly way. We were also raised to believe that dating and having a boyfriend or girlfriend, were ungodly.
As a curious child, I didn’t agree with everything I was taught at home, in the school and in the church, because, I was also being schooled by my peers, the books I read and the media. I wanted to experiment and learn some things first hand.
Still, in whatever I did, I tried not to do anything that would dishonour God, or bring disrepute to my parents.
However, curiosity got the better of me. Little wonder they say, “curiosity kills the cat“.
I’d promised myself that the first guy I’d date, would be the one I’d marry. I had it all planned out in my head. To avoid any boy-drama before being emotionally ready to commit to a relationship that would lead to marriage, I scheduled such relationships to happen from my 300 level in the university.
However, just a few months after my WASSCE (West Africa Senior Secondary Examination Council) exams, some fluttering butterflies in my stomach interfered with my resolve and before I knew it, I had said “yes” to be someone’s girlfriend.
Edu, my first boyfriend, was a family friend. Of course, he wasn’t the first or only guy to ask me to be his girl – there were many others. But somehow, he won my heart above all the others.
He said all the right things a young girl would like to hear; you know all those sweet nothings that make teenagers mushy. Thanks to all the Mills & Boom, Harlequin, Silhouette and other romance novels I fed my mind with – they predefined how love should/would feel. So the butterfly reactions in my stomach apparently meant that this bobo was the right one.
My definition of love back then was someone you could talk to all night without being bored, someone who’d know what you’re thinking without you saying a word, someone you could easily finish his sentences and vice versa, someone you’d think of, and he’d call almost immediately and tell you he was just thinking of you too (all the soulmate rubbish we were fed, chai!).
Edu was fun to gist with! He was also generously blessed with both good looks and the gift of garb. Stealthily, his sweet talk and good looks converted my steady “No” to a definite “Yes!”.
And that was how I got my first boyfriend at age 17. Little wonder the Bible says, “We are ensnared by our passion” (James 1:14).
There you have it, a little back story of how I got into my first relationship which led to a string of heartbreaks and some other things the romance novels I was looking up to, didn’t tell me.
In the coming weeks and months, and for how long we can do this, I’ll share with you what being a Single really means, how to successfully navigate Singlehood against pressure and other vices that try to stop us from enjoying and making the most of this beautiful phase of life.
Till I come your way again next Thursday, stay safe and stay connected to the only true source of love – God.
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CHINYEREDISTINGUISHED CHIMEZIE (nee ANOKE) is an Award-Winning Author of three fast-selling books: SINGLE, FRUITFUL, FULFILLED, TURNING 28 and 29 LESSONS AT 29.
