Reflection: Why are you still single?

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When I was 25 years old, I believed that I was mature and ready for marriage. At that time, I was a graduate and had also completed my NYSC. I was a Christian, infact, one of the youth leaders in the local assembly where I worshipped; I also knew some things about how to make a relationship and marriage to work. But guess what? I believed that if a relationship didn’t work out, it wasn’t my fault or it wasn’t meant to be. I saw myself as the faultless partner in every relationship, because I was the ‘wise one’, the ‘selfless one’, the ‘spiritual one’, the ‘understanding one’.

Do you get where I am going with this?

Many of us Singles do not believe that we have any character flaws to work on. We do not accept that there are attitudes we display that turn people off. We do not acknowledge that there are things that people who love us have tolerated for so long in anticipation that we’ll grow up and take responsibility to change them; we expect them to love us and our bullshit forever. News flash darling, it doesn’t work that way.

Have I mentioned that at 25, I was already engaged and so eager to become a Mrs. But God knew better; I wasn’t prepared to be a wife or a mother. It took me over two years to eventually see what He saw back then – I truly wasn’t ready to be married. The kind of marriage God has in mind for me and for us all.

I’m so certain that I’d have been divorced or separated if I had married at the age of 25 with the terrible mindset I had about marriage and being a wife. And isn’t this what we mostly see around us today? Marriages that don’t stand the test of time? Because the couple got married with some faulty mindsets and expectations from marriage.

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My darlings, it takes much more than age and money to be ready for marriage. God Himself patiently took me through some tough classes and lessons, before I understood and grew – not just in height or age, but in depth in Him and knowledge on how to live a Fruitful and Fulfilled life, both as a Single and as a married woman. When I eventually got married 4 years later, I was better prepared for the beautiful role and attendant responsibilities of being a wife and a mother. And even now, I am still learning and growing.

Trust me when I say this, one of the toughest trainers you can have is the Holy Spirit. He is the best teacher, yes. He guides us into all truths, I agree. But, HE WILL NEVER GRADUATE YOU UNTIL YOU LEARN EACH LESSON AND BEGIN TO LIVE IT OUT.

It’s easier to pass in our secular schools and even schools of Theology because you can read, sort, use your intuition or inspiration of the Holy Spirit and scale through. But when the Holy Spirit Himself is your teacher, please tell me, what do you want to write? Your answer script is your heart and He’s watching it steadily. So remind me again, which of your thoughts do you want to hide from Him?

In July 2017 when I finished writing my first book, SINGLE, FRUITFUL, FULFILLED, I felt I was done with most of the trainings. But He said, “Well-done, you have completed phase 1. Now is time to refill for the journey ahead is still far.”

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I’m like okay, I got this.

Hehe.

Little me trying to use “Igbo sense” on the Holy Ghost.  I already detailed all the pains and losses that my smartness cost me. You can read about it in my memoir, TURNING 28.

Those who know me close-up know that in spite of my good nature and kindness, I’m still very stubborn and strong-willed. I’m stubborn in a very polite and subtle way (lol, I don’t know if there’s anything like that). Well, God let me get away with that for so long, then in 2017 He said it’s time to drop that – every pride, stubbornness, self-will, strong-will that emanates from self.

If God has ever demonstrated His love towards you by convicting you of a flaw you have, sweetheart, you better start working on it with the help of the Holy Spirit. Don’t try to defend it or make excuses.

As you read this post, reflectively ask yourself: Why am I still single?

If there are attitudes, mindsets and character flaws you are holding to your chest and proudly saying: “this is the way I am”, “we are like that in our family”, please repent now and get it fixed ASAP.

Now that you are single is the PERFECT time to start ingesting and enjoying and over-dosing on all the positives of Singlehood and preparing for a kingdom marriage. Read the right books, blogs, watch the right YouTube channels, follow the right social media accounts, and for the sake of all the fabulousness, please hang around the right people and marriages. And become better. The best one for the right partner God is sending your way.

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Love and Wisdom,

ChinyereDistinguished

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